A Glorious Sight

How often the Lord rocks me out of my tired, self-centered mood. I woke up yesterday (Sunday) morning not feeling especially well, and I was not only hesitant in arriving at church to be around people, but I knew there was also an event planned for the afternoon after the morning worship service. After dragging my feet around the house, and making a stop at a nearby coffeeshop, my husband and I arrived at church late for worship practice. It didn't take long for my dreary mood to be shaken... Music has a way with me. Not only do I have this deep conviction that music moves others in a very unique way, but I also cannot begin to articulate how it moves me personally. The Spirit was so evident yesterday morning, and I cannot remember the last time I looked out on the congregation to behold individuals overwhelmed to the point of tears.

"This the power of the cross, Christ became sin for us

Took the blame, bore the wrath, we stand forgiven at the cross!"

We then took part in a very unique celebration yesterday afternoon. A young man who has been attending our church for some time now requested that our pastor baptize him in a local creek. Now Louisville is a true city, so if there was even a hint of rain, this would not take place and he would, instead, be baptized during yesterday morning's service. Lo and behold, not a drop of rain fell all weekend, and we left the church building to a warm and sunny sky. Amidst navigating the massive park where this creek was located, and the seemingly impossible parking, virtually the entire congregation showed up. We had been told this young man invited everyone he knew, from close friends and family to people he met in line at the grocery store, and what I saw as we approached the creek's bank was something to behold. Not only was the bulk of our little church body represented, but many were there whom I have never seen. Not only was a baptism witnessed yesterday afternoon, but it was also a beautiful time for this man's testimony to be shared, as well as for our pastor to elaborate on what the act of baptism truly represents. Although yesterday was sweltering, this baptism was a glorious sight to behold. I pray the hearts of those in attendance were pierced with the Gospel truth.

"Your blood has washed away my sin, Jesus thank You

The Father's wrath completely satisfied, Jesus thank You

Once Your enemy now seated at Your table, Jesus thank You"

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Thoughts on Then, Now, and Whatever Lies Ahead

As a naïve and hopelessly romantic teenager, I was head over heels about a boy. This particular boy did care for me, valued me as a friend, but never took our friendship further. Although I knew deep down that we would never date, he set the standard for many years. At the time, it drove me absolutely batty that no other boys could measure up. If there was a potential dating relationship in the works, he was always there to challenge and bring to mind an obvious immaturity or other concern with my juvenile crush. I'm telling you, he made me want to spit nails at times...the very one I would never date was the one continually raising the bar. One day in my early college years, we were eating lunch somewhere and he started asking questions about the kind of man I wanted to marry someday (the nerve, right?). With my blood pressure rapidly increasing, I mentioned that I had hopes of someday marrying a man who is called into vocational ministry. He responded almost defensively, asking why the person would have to be called to ministry, and I simply replied that he did not necessarily have to fit into a some mold. I just knew my heart, and knew that it would be a sweet blessing and gift from the Lord if He was to unite my heart with someone who shared the same deep convictions I had for ministry. The remainder of the conversation was quite awkward, and I remember that day being a significant turning point when I began cutting the emotional strings that had been tied to this boy for so long. While thankful for the significant imprint he made on my life, I knew it was time to move forward.
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Now, many years after that lunch conversation, I am pondering the very humbling reality that my husband and I are just a few short months away from completing our seminary degrees and moving on to whatever lies ahead. I did always dream of marrying someone with a deep passion for ministry, and never in a million years would I have imagined the Lord going above and beyond as He has done. The man whom I am blessed to call my husband has an intoxicating love for the Lord and His people, and that yearning to shepherd His flock is always present. So what happens when that which you have only ever dreamed of is suddenly coming into view? I know myself well enough to know that I could easily go into panic mode thinking of all the implications that come with being a pastor's wife in a local church. Thinking of "life in a fishbowl" is enough to make me lose sleep at night if I'm not trusting in the One who has called us to such a life as this. If I am not confident in where my true identity is found, then I will lack such confidence when faced with inevitable trials and criticism. If I am not trusting in Him and the ways in which He has so specifically and undeservedly gifted both my husband and I, then I will be prone to doubt and questioning His plan. With all of this in mind, I eagerly (though very timidly on some days) brace myself for whatever He has in store for the months ahead.
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Even now, as we are so close to wrapping up this season and wondering what comes next, I am mindful of those things which are of utmost importance when it comes to being a pastor's wife. These things should apply to any wife seeking to live in an honoring and understanding way with her husband, but they are especially crucial when one thinks of the whole "fishbowl" scenario. What are these things to which I am referring?

1) Watch out for him. You know him better than anyone and have his best interests in mind. If he is overworking himself, lovingly bring it to his attention. Try to find ways to lighten the load. Occasionally, there are seasons where there is no way around the busyness at church. During those times...be the place where he can relax.
2) Give your husband helpful and honest feedback. Take it seriously... Take time to think through your opinions carefully to be sure they are wise and accurate.
3) Stand with him when times are tough. Even when you disagree with him, respect him, both publicly and privately. Pray that God will give him wisdom in making decisions. Do not forget the seriousness of his calling. He is bringing the gospel to the church each week.

Much thanks to the newly-discovered True Woman blog for posting these helpful items for consideration. I am very much aware of the very great responsibility and privilege that comes with my husband's calling, and I want to be encouraging him in whatever ways I can even now. Little did that immature teenager a decade ago know what the Lord had in store, and I can look back and see how He was preparing my heart then for how I am to love and serve my husband today.

Still a puppy at heart

Meet Cousin Sam!

If you can't get your own adorable, huggable, snuggable new puppy, then just convince one of your closest friends to get one so that you can live vicariously through him! Our friend Brian has been patiently waiting and looking for just the right puppy for quite some time now. He has always loved coming to our place to play with Nali and Maia, and they absolutely adore their "uncle." In case you missed this post, I was beside myself when he called to tell us that he was getting one of the Border Collie puppies.

We accompanied him for the drive down to Elizabethtown to pick her up, and our hearts just melted as soon as we saw and interacted with her. The rest of the afternoon was spent taking her to the vet, then to the pet store for goodies, and then dropping them off at Brian's place. He reminded me of how I was the day we brought Nali home - this daze of disbelief that he is now fully responsible for this little brown-eyed puppy, and completely happy with the decision he made. He has named her Samantha ("Sam"), and we have already gotten to puppysit her once since Saturday. My big girl, Nali, was the most wonderful puppy I could have asked for, and I hope and already anticipate that Brian is going to have the same experience with little Sam!

Reflecting on the Weekend

Some scenes from my mom's lakehouse:

Some scenes from my grandfather's farm:

My mom and I:

Me and my classy grandfather:

My big brother and I:

To be perfectly honest, I have been overwhelmed by the inquiries from friends since my return on Tuesday. I mean, I knew close friends were aware of my trip to Texas and why I was going, but I guess I was oblivious to just how many were mindful and prayed fervently while I was there. My heart is filled with thankfulness when I think of those whom I know have interceded for so long now...

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After spending a couple of days resting and processing the events of my trip, I can say that my time with family was truly good. I enjoyed the brief time I had with my mom, grandfather, and brother, and I felt as if this visit was different than any other for a number of reasons. For one thing, I felt completely different going down as a married woman. The Lord has been at work in my heart, and I think a new level of communication and honesty was reached. I was thrown off guard initially at just how open and honest I was able to be with them, and by such openness being returned. I am thankful for the sweet time spent with my mom and for how the Lord has graced me with the ability to encourage her in ways I would have never anticipated.

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The climax of the trip occurred on Monday night when my brother and I sat talking over tea in my grandfather's kitchen for almost four hours. I cannot recall a time when we were able to have such an open conversation, largely due to how clear-minded he is after the events of the past two months. We were able to dialogue about his personal struggles, what the real problems might be, his expectations of what lies ahead for the next two years, and ultimately what he believes about God's work in the world and through Christ. There was so much to unpack with him considering we have never had such a conversation, so I had to spend time processing and discerning whether or not the hours were fruitful. After much reflection, I do feel that we made good headway. I feel that I was able to learn more about him, rather than listening to hearsay from others, and that I can continue conversing openly with him about these issues. The night ended with me giving him a paperback copy of the ESV Bible, and a little booklet from Desiring God entitled "For Your Joy." I initially hesitated to give him the booklet, but after our conversation, I felt it appropriate to give him this concise resource which deals with questions about God's character and this fallen world in which we live.

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During the flight home on Tuesday, I began trying to process all of the time and conversations shared. One of my biggest struggles in recent years has been dealing with myself and the lack of confidence I had around my family during adolescence. My prayer concern regarding idle time was directly related to this struggle. I have often beaten myself up over years that just felt wasted. The Lord is so good, and not only did He show me that the time was not wasted, but reminded me of the simple truth that He is strong where we are weak. His Spirit was so evident and sweet during my visit, and I teared up while listening to a familiar song on the flight home:

I am small and I speak when I'm spoken to

But I am willing to risk it all

I say Your name, just Your name and I'm ready to jump

Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?

Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo, I think I just let go

You make me want to be brave

The way it always was is no longer good enough

You make me want to be brave

(N. Nordeman)

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As mentioned already, I am overwhelmed with thanks for those whom I know have been faithfully praying. Please continue! No one knows what lies ahead in the next couple of years, but we can be thankful for what the Lord has done thus far, and trust that He is faithful to complete the work He began!

Time for Prayer and Preparation

"None are so lost whom God is not powerful to save."

My husband and I prayed together last night, and the quote above is something he said that was so profound and declares the truth I cling to in preparation for the coming weekend. I can hardly believe that only days remain now before I travel to visit family and hopefully come face-to-face with my brother. For those of you who read my blog frequently, I am going to take this week as a break from the blogosphere. While I am away, there are some aspects of this fast-approaching trip for which you can be praying:

• "Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant..." (2 Corinthians 3:4-6) - I ultimately have nothing to fear if the Lord ordains that I am able to talk with my brother. The wisdom and power for the Gospel to be effectively communicated are not things I can conjure up from within myself. I ultimately have nothing to offer but the hope of the Gospel. Pray that I will continually be mindful of my utter weakness, and the Lord's redeeming power and grace of which I am an undeserved recipient and witness.
• My brother was very angry when he found out that I am coming down to see him. He still sees me as his kid sister whom he is trying to hide himself from, ashamed and embarrassed of who he is. Oh, that this would be an opportunity for me to show unanticipated compassion and grace toward him, speaking the truth boldly while also pointing out the reality that he has much more to be concerned with than my opinion of him.
• Pray for the brokenness in my family. Pray that the fog of guilt, resentment, wrongs committed, and mistakes made might be swept aside. My hope is that my time there will not feel idle, but truly fruitful. May the Lord give me clarity in speaking the truth to those in my family who have tended to place me on a moral pedestal, and instead may they see Christ's redemptive and transforming work.